The Co-Conspirators

I think my children, co-conspirators that they are, must have had this kind of conversation at the beginning of this week.  I’ve been listening to too much Winnie the Pooh audio (which I highly recommend, by the way), so I’m imagining this conversation with David as the voice of Pooh and Elanor as Piglet.

David: “Don’t you think our schedule is getting to be a little … well, shall we say a little too … predictable?

Elanor: “I was just thinking that myself, David.  But what shall we do about it?”

David: “How about if we … not nap?”

Elanor: “That is a very good idea, David!  Now, how do we do it?”

David: “Well, your job is, as soon as your head touches the bed, is to cry like you’re being really badly hurt.”

Elanor: “Oh, I’m very good at that.”

David: “Yes, you are.  And you know Mommy can’t stand hearing you cry like that.  So she’ll rush in and give you teething tablets”

Elanor: “—which taste like candy—”

David: “Yes, and she’ll check your diaper, which will really be fine, and offer you a pacifier, which you must spit out and lose, and she’ll do all sorts of things, but your job is to just keep crying and crying until you’re nursed, and after that stay awake.”

Elanor: “But what if I’m really tired?”

David: “Staying awake is more fun.

Elanor: “Very well, but what will you do?”

David: “Well, what won’t I do?  First, when I get put down for a nap, I will have to go to the bathroom.”

Elanor: “But you only just went.”

David: “But I will have to go again.  And then, I will need a snack.”

Elanor: “What sort of a snack?”

David: “Whichever snack they don’t bring.  Then my blankets will fall on the floor.”

Elanor: “How?”

David: “How what?”

Elanor: “How will they fall on the floor?”

David: “The same way they always do.  They will need a bit of help, I suppose.  The same way I will lose my baby dinosaur stuffed animal, but of course I won’t realize that until afterwards.”

Elanor: “After what?”

David: “After they have fixed the blankets.  That’s when I will lose my baby dinosaur, and lose my Wall-E pillow, and then—”

Elanor: “What then?”

David: “Well, what always works is, to have an eyelash.”

Elanor: “An eyelash?”

David: “If I say I have an eyelash, Mommy will turn on all the lights and look in my eye to try to get it out, but I will close my eye, so it won’t get out, only it wasn’t in anyway.  And by then I may as well wake up.”

Elanor: “And the whole time I am screaming?”

David: “Oh yes, the whole time.  And then we will play.”

Elanor: “What if we are too tired to play?”

David: “Then we will make trouble.  After all, that’s the most fun of all.”


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